Happy

My boyfriend and I broke up!
Also my friend/ex-boyfriend/friend with benefits has been super depressed/suicidal. I've been trying to talk to him and keep him going. He refused to go to counseling. Honestly, trying to talk to him was just so infuriating, but I tried to take it with a grain of salt. Anyway, I got him to go to therapy by having sex with him for the rest of the year. I suppose that's a good deal because we're friends with benefits anyway.

What a Terrible Day

WHY CAN'T I JUST BE SINGLE?!

Some days I wonder why I'm with my boyfriend.  I can't break up with him now because he just tried kinda hard to get a ride down here to visit me (the plans fell through though).  I think he would be happier if I just let him be.  I would be happier if I didn't have to babysit him.

Speaking of babysit, my exboyfriend tried to kill himself, I think.  Either way he's feeling suicidal.  I'm sending him Facebook messages trying to get him to talk, texts, and I even tried to walk over to his dorm to see what was the matter.  And that's a BIG deal because I have mono, and am completely fatigued.  I still feel tired and sore from walking, and that was two hours ago.  When I was texting him he was doing something with his roommates, which is great.  And that was the reason he declined my visit saying "maybe later."  I don't know if I should get my hopes up, but I really want to help him.

Not Depressed Anymore...What?

So I haven't been feeling depressed at all recently. In fact, I've been getting along really nicely with my family. I don't really know if it's worth it to be mad at them anymore. They've been nothing but nice to me lately, and the only episode of "abuse" was quite a while ago. Holding grudges is completely out of character for me. I don't hold grudges or drag things out like this. And my hatred for them is only hurting me, not them. It's not changing their behavior but it's making my college experience a whole hell of a lot more miserable. So I guess I'm done. I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Just Wondering

For any Christian that happens to stumble upon my blog:
How does Jesus dying save us from sin? Did people, before Jesus lived, go to heaven? Because Christianity didn't exist then. What if you don't want to be saved like that? Isn't it a little presumptuous to assume that everyone wants that kind of gift?

Grrrr Google!!!!

Go to Google.com. Search tubal ligation. Look through the first few pages. What do you see? About as many sites for tubal REVERSAL as there is for the actual tubal procedure!! Do people really have this little faith in a woman's judgment? I wish people actually thought through the tubal procedure instead of just getting cut after having too many babies before 25. Stupid people like that, while they are first in line as candidates for ligations, are stupid and will want more babies. They think that babies seal the deal on relationships, despite how many failed relationships they've had, and the babies that come with them. How about letting women who have decided on the childfree lifestyle for YEARS be first in line to get tubals?!?!

Test Results

OH! and my HIV test turned out to be negative. HAPPY!!!!

Sad

I feel so broken-hearted right now. I feel like my boyfriend just doesn't care. He just never seems to want to talk to me. I know that he is new to relationships and that I'm likely his first girlfriend. And this is a long distance relationship. Maybe his problem is that he just doesn't think to talk to people that aren't physically THERE. I'm trying to be understanding, but this is about all I can take. And I hate to go all psycho-girlfriend on him, with all my emotions and things, but I'm just really sad. I know he's busy, but I'm busy too, and I still have time to check my Facebook and call him. I just feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and stomped on the ground by one of the nicest guys I've known. I'm so screwed.