A Little Survey

Taking this is like cotton candy, in the heavy syrup that is my blog. Just some lightheartedness for me and anyone that happens to read this. From quizopolis.com

1. Who will you be sleeping with tonight?
Myself
2. What are you going to do tomorrow?
Drive my sister to practice, work, read a lot
3. When do you plan on having kids, or your next kid?
Never, nunca, not at all!
4. Do you know a secret about your last ex that would embarrass them?
Not that I know of
5. Can you use chopsticks?
Of course!
6. How old were you when you lost your first tooth?
I don't remember that.
7. Were you a hyper or mellow kid?
Mellow. In a bad way, as in I had something wrong with me! lol
8. Why did you throw up last?
Migraine. Damn migraines.
9. What are you excited for?
I have a date on Wednesday!
10. What's for dinner?
I don't know, whatever I feel like picking up after work. Salad maybe?
11. Ever been to the Statue of Liberty?
I've been to New York City, but not the Statue of Liberty. I saw it on the plane though.
12. How many e-mail addresses do you have?
Three. The most I ever had at one time was six.
13. Do you HAVE to have brand name stuff?
I don't HAVE to have anything. The materialism bug hasn't bitten me!
14. Do you like Oreos?
Sure. It doesn't beat homemade chocolate chip cookies though.
15. What was the last ice cream flavor you ate?
Cookies and cream
16. Do you send out thank-you cards?
I try to, I guess
17. What color is your car?
Tan
18. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
Yes. I value the life and happiness of nearly everyone on this planet more than mine.

Is this good or bad?

My counselor at my college recommended that I read "Toxic Parents." She and I both agreed that it would not be a good idea to keep it in the house. So for a while I kept it under my bed. Then one week, when I had to take my little sister to swim practice, I kept it in my car, so I could read it while my sister was at swimming. My dad went to go fill my car with gas, and he found the book. The book was in a pocket behind the passengers seat, spine down, pages up. This was at like 8 am, and I was asleep. He threw the book at me! It didn't hit me, it landed before my bed. I woke up, but before I realized who threw the book, what the book was, and why he threw the book, my dad was gone. Neither of us has brought it up since.
But what I don't get is that this didn't really affect me much. My dad pushed me into a wall 6 or 7 months ago, and that's what threw me into a relapse spiral in the first place. But he could've hurt me this time as well, but it just didn't bother me much. Maybe I'm really settling into this mentality that I'm going to leave my family. Maybe I'm just becoming desensitized.

Decisions

So earlier this summer I had to make a choice. I could spend the summer (and following school year, etc etc) with a shy guy that really likes me, or I could hold off until the school year, when I would have a guaranteed friend-with-benefits. Really, I'm just choosing between love and sex. I gave a lot of thought to my decision. I mean, I'm in some really hard classes, do I really want a deep relationship to distract me? I'm also really ambitious, do I really want to make room for a guy in my future? Honestly, with all the things I want to do in the future I think it would be hard for me to have a boyfriend around, until I've finished school at least. On the other hand, there are complications with the FWB. My roommate next year is religious and would probably not be comfortable with me doing it in the room, especially outside of a relationship. (Def. not do it while she was in the room!! but still) There would kinda be a lot of sneaking around and secret keeping involved. So anyway I chose the more respectable choice, and went with my shy high school buddy who is now my awesome boyfriend. But I wonder what my FWB thinks about that. I mean, it seemed to me (maybe I was just being led on) that he cared for me a little bit beyond FWB status. I know that's the common female trap, but I'm immune to its hurt. But is it just me, or do kisses on the nose and forehead have a "protective" meaning to them? Either way, we weren't in a relationship, so I'm not cheating and he can't have a complaint. After all, in his own words we could be FWB unless one of us has something going on. And I definitely have something going on.

Religion Poisons Everything

As you know, I'm an atheist. I think that religion is poisonous to minds and society, but I see no good in forcing people to become atheist (that would be stooping to their level) so I don't believe the world will ever be religion-free.
But I've been stressing over things lately. My boyfriend is Catholic. I used to be Catholic, too. We went to the same religious high school. I like him a lot, but I don't want his family to hate me, because they are at some point going to figure out what my religious beliefs are. On our date, Pat told me that he didn't even believe in the "Catholic image of God" (whatever that means) and doesn't really like many Catholic stances on issues. I really can't believe he told me this on our first date, but maybe he was trying to make sure I knew he isn't a fundie bible-thumper. (I didn't get into my beliefs, I don't think he can handle them quite yet.)
So this is why I'm sad. My dad came into my room earlier this evening and asked me what I was reading on my computer. I answered honestly (I should've lied) and said "How to date a guy with a different religion." He had to carry on a freakin' conversation about it. My dad needs to just leave me the fuck alone sometimes. Anyway, he asked what religion was in question, and I said Catholic. He asked what the different religion is, and I said between Catholicism and atheism. He deduced that I was not referring to myself as Catholic, but rather as the atheist. He said "Catholicism and atheism don't have much common ground. You're the atheist in the picture? That's sad." OUCH. meanie.

Happy!

Went on a date last night! I went out with a shy guy, so I got a bear hug from him and managed to kiss his cheek. Can't wait to go out with him again!

Odd Mood Swings

I've been having some drama among my friends, yes. For some reason, this seems to have triggered some mood swings. I just felt really suicidal for some reason. I don't know why I even showed up at work. I shouldn't have been working like that. Not like my coworkers would understand if I couldn't work because of mental health issues. Also I had to cancel my therapy appointment that day. Maybe that had something to do with it, too. I don't know. But I guess I got out of it okay and I don't have to keep dwelling on it, right?